We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
