Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
