I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
