I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
