I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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