There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
