ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
