U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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