we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
false alarm. still invincible.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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