Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Everyone says I win the strip club
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
