Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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