Welp...herpes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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