We need to start having sex underwater more often.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
