quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Semen is not good for contacts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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