I puked a lego.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
