The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A+ Viking dick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
