i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
