Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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