this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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