Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just forgot I was standing up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
