we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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