Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you never un-have a 4some
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
