theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
