Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
