my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
