i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
