new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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