i already hear my dad disowning me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
