TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
