He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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