i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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