Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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