i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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