Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
