Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
