My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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