I got chris browned last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
lol hangovers are for mortals.