i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar