I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
