Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.