Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
