He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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