I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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