It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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