I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
