The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
