Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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