Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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