i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
