I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
