Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
