I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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