i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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