never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
