hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
