I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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