I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
