last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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