I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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