I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
