i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
