I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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