I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
