Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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