Screwed.edu
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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