All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
