im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
