I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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