I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
