We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
