He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
