Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
one two three fourrrrnication!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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