And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I CAN MOONWALK!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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