Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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