and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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