There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
