Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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