I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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