My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
