Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
