drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
