I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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