I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
try to milk me bitch
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize