just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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