Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
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I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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