one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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