Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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